Betrayed and disappointed
By She who I thought was my friend
She constantly made me promises
But in the end
She lied and turned
Everything into dust
She hurt me
And betrayed my trust.
She said one thing
But did another
And my dreams,
She tried to smother.
So, I walked away
I was no longer available to betray.
She didn’t come to find me
She didn’t seek me out
But the Lover of my soul
Knew what I was about.
He taught me to forgive
He showed me that
She had forgotten how to live.
He opened my eyes
He transformed my heart.
He showed me how
To get a fresh start.
He renewed my mind
He healed my wounds
He caused my branches
To burst out with blooms.
The dark day I refer to here is the almost three years when I stopped attending church. I wish I could describe the heaviness that I experienced every Sunday morning, but I can’t. All I can say is I would walk into my closet and freeze. I struggled every week to go to church and eventually I stopped trying. I decided that If I didn’t love and enjoy it, I wasn’t going
I can’t say there was one particular incident that turned me away, but I had been actively involved in a local church for many years and over time, there was an accumulation of behaviors that grieved my spirit. I got frustrated and aggravated. I shut down and eventually I stopped going
I had been a Sunday School teacher. I sang in the choir. I had been a leader of a bible study group and a member of an intercessory prayer group. Yes, I prayed and worshiped at home. I just couldn’t in my local assembly.
I visited a few churches, but couldn’t shake the heaviness and so I rarely attended more than once or twice.
One night I had a dream. I was taking a tour of a church. The walls and floors were covered with red carpet. The church was split into two level and two sections. When I chose the section where I wanted to sit, I got a phone call from someone at a church I attended when I was young. They told me they wanted to see me. I then got a call from my sister who asked me if I had gotten a call from the church. I told her yes and while we were talking, I got another call. This time it was someone from a different church. That last call was from someone who taught a bible study class I attended as a child. She told me she wanted to hug me one more time.
I decided the dream was a call for me to return. I prayed about it and this time I not only returned, but I returned with a gift for the church. The Lord began to use me to encourage the church through poetry and art.
I am happy to say I have returned with a fresh tenacity to be a blessing to my church family. The Lord transformed my heart and renewed my mind.
The biggest difference I can see in myself is that I am no longer seeking what I can get out of attending church. I now ask the Lord how I can bless others. I ask Him who does He want me to encourage. Because He is faithful, He always answers.
Who does He want you to bless?
I will proclaim your name to my brothers and sisters. I will praise you among your assembled people. (NLT)
1 Corinthians 12:12-27 New International Reader’s Version (NIRV)
One Body but Many Parts
12 There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up one body. It is the same with Christ. 13 We were all baptized by one Holy Spirit. And so we are formed into one body. It didn’t matter whether we were Jews or Gentiles, slaves or free people. We were all given the same Spirit to drink. 14 So the body is not made up of just one part. It has many parts.
15 Suppose the foot says, “I am not a hand. So I don’t belong to the body.” By saying this, it cannot stop being part of the body. 16 And suppose the ear says, “I am not an eye. So I don’t belong to the body.” By saying this, it cannot stop being part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, how could it hear? If the whole body were an ear, how could it smell? 18 God has placed each part in the body just as he wanted it to be. 19 If all the parts were the same, how could there be a body? 20 As it is, there are many parts. But there is only one body.
21 The eye can’t say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 In fact, it is just the opposite. The parts of the body that seem to be weaker are the ones we can’t do without. 23 The parts that we think are less important we treat with special honor. The private parts aren’t shown. But they are treated with special care. 24 The parts that can be shown don’t need special care. But God has put together all the parts of the body. And he has given more honor to the parts that didn’t have any. 25 In that way, the parts of the body will not take sides. All of them will take care of one another. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it. If one part is honored, every part shares in its joy.
27 You are the body of Christ. Each one of you is a part of it.